With All My Heart
by watchingmewatchingu
Summary: *ABANDONED* Spencer, Ashley and baby makes 3, let's give it another try.
1. Chapter 1

'_I might have been a queen, who loved another queen and I could have been the one to end a war.'__  
__  
_"Hey, Ash? Question. Do you only sleep with girls who say they like your music?" Spencer asked as she went through the mail.

_'My heart has found it's home.'_

"You're so funny man, you should be a comedian." She continued to type away on her computer.

_'I guess that's what you get when you let your heart win.'_

"Do you know why I love you? Because you're the only one who can see when I need a break, or when I'm going through a tough time. Rather than complaining, you're constantly there for me, always trying to figure me out. Spencer, you make me want to be a better person. I just want to do the best that I can at everything.

_'Sometimes I have to stop, just to catch my breath and realize that I no longer have to look any further for happiness. Because I've found it.'_

"I'm so glad that you're back. It would've been the longest winter without you, had that tour continued."

_'Smile, you deserve it.'_

"I'm lucky." Ashley put her laptop on the floor and motioned for Spencer to join her on the bed. _'Because why?'_ They embraced each other and Ashley rested her head on Spencer's shoulder. "Because I'm in love with my best friend and I'm lucky to be where I am, I'm lucky to be coming home to you every day."

_'Not even the deepest of bluest oceans could keep us apart, you would still feel my whispers on your heart.'_

"Every time we say goodbye, I wish I could kiss you, just once more time."  
The smell of her hair drove Ashley crazy, she breathed in her scent and ran her fingers through her hair. Spencer straddled her and leaned in close enough to feel her hot breath on her soft skin.

_'You breathe infinity into my world.'_

"I need you to know, that what I do, I don't do it for the money. You can't rely on money to be successful in life. Life is about what makes you happy, it's how you feel at the end of the day when you go home or when you go to bed with the one person you love the most. If you don't feel like you're in it and you're happy about that, then you don't know nothing. You can't rely on anything but the fact that my love for you, will forever grow. Whatever happens, happens, because it's faith and faith happens for a reason. So if for some reason, in a distant future, you would tell me that you're done, that we're done. I wouldn't care. Because we would still not be done. Because I love you and you love me and it's about you and me and the passion that we share together. Not faith nor reason, will eve break us."

Spencer's hair fell down, as she looked up at Ashley, covering her face completely. And oh how Ashley loved that, because she loved to brush it out of her eyes and pin it behind her ears.  
"I'm gonna prove you wrong Ashley Davies. My world is at your feet. You see, in my future there's no difference from right now, in this moment." Ashley threw herself back on the bed. "Promise?" Spencer fallowed and their bodies were moulded into one. "I promise."

They shared a passionate kiss.

_'Sometimes I hear your smile and I breathe your light.'  
_

There were sounds in her head, little voices whispering _'everything is alright.'_ Ashley knew, that no one would be able to love her like she could and Spencer knew that nobody would dare to stand where she stood.  
Spencer pressed her hands into Ashley's as she came up for air.

_'Let me drown in a pool of you.'_

"It's not just a ride is it, this is forever, right?"

_'Forever.'_

Ashley took Spencer's hands in hers. "Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping, just to listen to your breathing. It makes me feel safe inside, just to know that you're there, right beside me, every night, for the rest of my life."

_'With all my heart.'_

She twirled the silver ring on Spencer's finger and looked down at her own wedding band. With the lightest of touches, like a breeze appearing from nowhere, like a warm whisper in her ear, her hand touched her face; _'This is not just a ride, this is forever.'_ She stated before she jumped in to steal another kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

"Why do you always do that?" Ashley looked up; "Do what?" Spencer ran her fingers along her glossy lips. "That. You bite your lip."  
Ashley had never thought about it before, she figured it was simply a bad habit, that had stuck with her. "Does it bother you? Because if it does, I'll stop." Spencer withdrew her fingers, before she confessed; "No, it doesn't, it doesn't bother me at all." She managed to capture the life in Ashley's eyes, like never before. "You are so beautiful and I didn't think that it was possible, but my love for you grows stronger for each day that passes me by."

Their love hadn't always been the easiest of loves. There had been more than once where they both had, had to stop themselves from saying something that they would forget sooner than they would forgive.  
The list of where it all went wrong, would always be getting longer and it would just go on and on like that.

Some of Ashley's worst fights had been with Spencer, it wasn't exactly something that she was proud of. Even so, she liked the impact it had on her. She liked that Spencer had such a tight grip around her soul. From the first time she had laid eyes on her, Ashley knew that she wanted Spencer to be the first one that she saw in the morning and the last thing she saw before she went to bed.  
She was without a doubt her rock.

A kiss, which in the end stood for so much more, than a simple kiss.  
It stood for lost memories, it stood for the forgiveness and the pain they had promised to spare each other. Every time they shared a kiss, a toast would go off in Ashley's head and she would always remember, every moment with her beloved was as magical as it was in the movies. "I love you." she whispered. Spencer swore she would take those words with her to the grave.  
Like a secret, dancing in the wind, like a song, soaring in the clear night sky.

There were moments when they would both forget who they were, The days would get older and in the fading light they would look at each other and and see all the beautiful imperfections and flaws they each possessed. They lived good and they tried to learn our lessons well. They had promised each other _'forever'_ and to be together even when they were a part.

Ashley adored days like these, where everything would go as slow as your mind. Sundays, except there was nothing to dread about the day after, no school, no work, no nothing, simply Monday. She had taken an oath and she would stick it out to the end, her wife was her devotion. Her life and her heart, was Spencer's, for all eternity.

Even though the road ahead would be long and _forever_, Ashley knew that she was the one, this was it. This was her life, now and for always. Spencer and her… and their baby.

It had been quite a change for them. Going from friends, to best friends, to girlfriends, to engaged, to married, to mommies. "If you make her, her bottle, I'll feed her and then after she falls asleep we can watch a movie, sound good?" Spencer rolled her eyes, because she knew that Ashley would be asleep before all the excitement had even begun. "Don't be mad baby, I promise, I'll watch it till the end. Just go get her bottle ready, I'll be upstairs." And with that, she blew her a kiss and disappeared upstairs. As her steps faded into the dark, Spencer heard her whisper; _'You're the fucking best.'_ under her breath. In the same corny way, she felt the same. They didn't have to say it, all they needed to do was to look at each other and they'd know.

Spencer went to prepare the bottle, sometimes it would scare her. Taking care of something so precious and fragile and to know that it was all yours. It's up to you to raise this little being. Encourage them to be their best and to try their hardest and maybe it'll be worth it, maybe you won't be let down in the end. "Are you almost done?"  
How a person could be brought up without patience was beyond Spencer's knowledge, unfortunately enough the word _'wait'_ was just not a part of Ashley's vocabulary. "Coming."


	3. Chapter 3

The nights had started to fallow a pattern. Spencer would walk in on the two loves of her life. Ashley in the bed, cuddling up to the baby, their baby, their baby girl. She tipped in on her toes. "Ash, are you asleep?" Dumb question, because she knew she would be. Gently she moved Ashley's arm and carefully lifted the baby. "You're my world, do you know that? You and your mother, you're my world." The baby yawned and wiggled her little toes. Spencer fed her the bottle as she watched her big green eyes sparkle.  
In a matter of minutes, she had fallen into a deep slumber.

Spencer loved this part, she loved placing her in the giant white crib and know that she would still be there waiting for them in the morning, just staring up at the ceiling and giggling to herself. "Good night baby." And she was, she was indeed her baby.

Spencer looked back at Ashley, who was breathing ever so softly and moving ever so quietly. To lay beside her was the greatest feeling in the world, because as soon as she would feel the bed fall down beside her, she would move closer. And she would sigh deeply and breathe down Spencer's neck, which would make her heart melt. She wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. "I love you Ashley Davis."

They snuggled up to each other, two hearts, beating as one, just as it was meant to be. "Did she cry?"  
Ashley had been a hands on mom, since day one. Always with the questions. Spencer was more likely to take everything with a pinch of salt. They'd read the books, they'd heard the stories, they were blessed to have a perfectly healthy baby. "No, she didn't cry." And she hardly ever did. "I should go check on her." Spencer held her down. "No, Ash. You don't have to go check on her. I just put her down and trust me, she's fine, she's asleep."

The look on Ashley's face made her warm up a bit. "You know she's in good hands, why are you always like this when I put her down? I'm her mother too." Little arguments were often blown out of proportion. "I know, I'm sorry. Of course she's your daughter too. I'm sorry." To show that she really meant it, Ashley rolled on top of Spencer and straddled her. She pinned her arms down to the mattress. "Ash, what are you doing?" She had been waiting for this for such a long time, that she had almost forgotten what it felt like. "Don't even say you don't want it, cause I know you've been dying too." The things she would say, Spencer would never get over it.  
Ashley was a tease. In frustration Spencer tried to take off her shirt, with a few aggressive tugs, it started to slide upward and Ashley lifted her arms. "See something you like?" Ashley was an expert at many things, but mostly she was an expert at driving Spencer crazy. "Come on, don't do this, please." With one hand still pinned to the mattress, the other desperately tried to unhook Ashley's bra. "Come on, damn it!"

Ashley grinded on top of Spencer as she was making cute moaning sounds. "Can you please stop?" It was almost too much and was beginning to push Spencer over the edge. "What the fuck?" She was close enough to giving up, when Ashley gave her a helping hand. "There." Even so, Spencer couldn't get it. "You know what, it doesn't matter."

Spencer pulled her down to her level. Ashley bit her lip. "You taste like strawberries, I like it." Såencer smiled widely. "That's weird." she said and pulled out her lip gloss. "You and your humor." Spencer lifted an eyebrow. "So? You like it." Which she did. Grins appeared on both of the girls. Spencer got out of Ashley's tight grip and flipped them over. "Now what? What do you do when you don't have the upper hand anymore?"

_'Can't beat 'em? Join 'em, just don't forget who's on top!'_


	4. Chapter 4

Spencer started kissing down her taunt stomach. "Hey, wait. No, stop!" But Spencer wasn't about to stop. "Spencer, get off!"  
It was only when she heard her name that she got off, she recieved a light shove in her ribcage. "Ow!"

Ashley sat up straight in the bed, Spencer put her hand on Ashley's shoulder, only to have it removed. "Are you okay?" Ashley shook her head 'no' and got on her feet.  
She went to check on the baby, stroked her hair and inhaled her scent. "I'm gonna go downstairs for a while."

Spencer fumbled around looking for something to put on. "I'll come with." Ashley put her hand up in protest. "No. It's fine, stay here, I'll be right back." Confused and distraught, Spencer sat back down.

"Ash, what's wrong? Tell me and maybe I can help you? Maybe we can help each other?" Ashley didn't need help, not if you'd ask her, at least she wasn't open for help, not just yet anyway. "It's not that easy Spencer. I can't be like: _'Hey Spence, guess what?'_ Because I'm not the same person I used to be. I'm not, not after the baby."

'_Not the same person.'_ What did that even mean? Spencer couldn't even pretend she knew where she was coming from "But you are. You're Ashley Davis. You haven't changed just because you're a parent. We're both parents, it doesn't mean we're any different. We're still unbeatable and so much stronger together."

The words were all right, hitting her heart like a homerun in the bottom of ninth inning. The timing was all wrong. "Stop making it about love, it's no always about that. I'm a little unwell, fine, I get it. We don't need to talk about it."  
This was about more than just love, this was about the aftermath of childbirth. Ashley obviously wasn't coping with it very well. "How can you say that? Ash, please don't shut me out here. You need help."

But Ashley wasn't hearing it, not a single word. "No. What I need is for you to leave us alone!"  
What Spencer had feared the most was slowly unfolding before her very own eyes. "Us?" This was not happening, it could't. "Me an my baby."

This was not supposed to happen. "Ashley, she's our baby." Postpartrum Depression was one thing, but this was just beyond it."She's not your baby." The anger in her eyes were burning, her body language and posture spoke with such strong hatred. "I carried her for nine months. Thirty six weeks. I had to deal with the side effects, I had to live with my body changing. I gave birth to her, therefore she is mine!" _Maybe this wasn't exactly how they had planned it to be_.

"I understand what you're going through and it's okay for you to feel like this, but you need to know that there is help, you can get help." _But they no longer have any control over it_.  
"I'm sorry Spencer, fuck." The phone rings and Ashley screens it. "It's your mom." _If they didn't learn how to surrender, they would lose everything they held dear_.  
"I can't right now. Let it ring." Ashley placed the phone in Spencer's hand. "You should get it. I'll go take a nap. Just, come in when you're done." She sighed deeply and watched Ahsley crawl back into bed. She shut her eyes as soon as her head hit the pillow. She seemed fine, but Spencer knew she was anything but fine.

"Hi mom. Yeah, no, she's sleeping. Mhm, Ash too. Sure, I'll tell her. Okay mom. Yes, alright. I've gotta go. I'll call you later. No it's not because... I'm hanging up now. Bye mom." Spencer goes back into the bedroom. "You sleeping?" And she was. With the lightest of touches her hand brushed against her cheek and gently stroked her hair.  
"No matter what happens, it's us against the world."

Once the love fades, it turns into a battlefield and the only way to save it, is if you try to find the place again, find the place where the heart is.  
"Spence?" Her raspy voice echoed in the dark. "Hm?" Ashley was trying hard to reaffirm her existence, she wanted to know that was she was still alive. "Can you get me a vicodin?"

There was no strenght left in her body, Ashley felt so melancholy. "You're not supposed to be taking any more." The loss of interest in normal day stuff had flown out the window, along with her joy of living. "I need them, you know they help. They hit the stomach and ahh. I wouldn't need the shit if... I just need them to be able to sleep, okay? To be able to function throughout the day."

As hard as it was for Ashley to spit out all of this, it was even harder for Spencer to take it all in.


End file.
